Cigarettes Today (or since my last post): 1 teeny tiny drag of a cigarette last night at our housewarming party. I'M SO PISSED. I'm a drag away from a pack a day. I'm a drag away from a pack a day. I'm a drag away from a pack a day.
Chantix Side Effects (on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the worst): This week has been spent weening myself off the Chantix. Add that to PMS and being really hard on myself about it all and you've got one emotionally confused ex-smoker.
Mood: Ehhh, still figuring it out. Mostly SO HAPPY, though!!
Cigarettes NOT Smoked Since Quit Date: 1760
So, I totally skipped over celebrate my 12 weeks mark on the blog, but it did not pass in vain. This week, I finally had feelings that I really liked myself better as a non-smoker. I'm so dang productive and I feel proud of that. BUT, this week I have faced several moments where I've had to honestly say no to cigarettes. The cravings are back. Luckily, I am fine if I don't drink. BUT, last night Josh reminded me how hard I have worked the last 3 months and that it would all be for nothing if I had even just 1 cigarette. And I agreed. Then, I had a drag of a cigarette - what a horrible addiction nicotine is! I emerged re-committed to quitting. Without the Chantix, I am going to have to do more of the work. I am set up for success, though, as I have built up healthy habits and routines AND I can celebrate the fact that I am done with the Chantix side effects! WOOHOO!
Wish me luck. I have come so far in my quitting journey, but this is just the beginning. Follow along and share my struggles and triumphs!
Showing posts with label one day at a time. Show all posts
Showing posts with label one day at a time. Show all posts
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Friday, April 23, 2010
Day 79
Tonight was my first "night out" with five other smokers. Needless to say, I survived. I still miss smoking, but I. did. it.
I am proud. I have a Nicotine Anonymous Book - 90 Days, 90 Ways. Today is day 79 of my recovery from nicotine and so I turned to that page to share with you. Tomorrow will be 80 days. I am so proud of myself. It's still just one day at a time and I like it that way.
From the book, 90 Days, 90 Ways:
Show up, pay attention, tell the truth and don't be attached to the outcome. - Angeles Arrien
As the winter solstice approaches and the days become shorter, I am reminded of the darkness that seemed to grip me with increasing strength in the final days of my active addiction: the social ostracism; the fear, anxiety and worry over the harm I was causing myself physically; the utter hopelessness I felt about ever being able to quit.
I feared living without my constant companion. I anticipated that life without nicotine would be impossible. But the solstice teaches me that this projection was unwarranted. Just it seems that darkness will never end, there comes a turning point when the days become longer and warmer. Just as I anticipated that life would be unbearable without nicotine, recovery teaches me that life can be filled with so much goodness, beyond my wilder dreams.
Today I choose to live in anticipation that light inevitably follows darkness.
I am proud. I have a Nicotine Anonymous Book - 90 Days, 90 Ways. Today is day 79 of my recovery from nicotine and so I turned to that page to share with you. Tomorrow will be 80 days. I am so proud of myself. It's still just one day at a time and I like it that way.
From the book, 90 Days, 90 Ways:
Show up, pay attention, tell the truth and don't be attached to the outcome. - Angeles Arrien
As the winter solstice approaches and the days become shorter, I am reminded of the darkness that seemed to grip me with increasing strength in the final days of my active addiction: the social ostracism; the fear, anxiety and worry over the harm I was causing myself physically; the utter hopelessness I felt about ever being able to quit.
I feared living without my constant companion. I anticipated that life without nicotine would be impossible. But the solstice teaches me that this projection was unwarranted. Just it seems that darkness will never end, there comes a turning point when the days become longer and warmer. Just as I anticipated that life would be unbearable without nicotine, recovery teaches me that life can be filled with so much goodness, beyond my wilder dreams.
Today I choose to live in anticipation that light inevitably follows darkness.
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