Movin' on up!

Day 55
Cigarettes Today (or since my last post): 0
Chantix Side Effects (on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the worst): 0
Mood: Diligent.  Focused.
Cigarettes NOT Smoked Since Quit Date: 1100
Hours Not Spent Smoking: 91.67

Tomorrow marks the TWO MONTH point for my quit smoking journey.  Since my last post, I stopped taking Chantix for a period of 5 days or so, which, coupled with some awesome PMS hormones and moving equated to some tears and frustration.  I am now back on the Chantix and I am happy to report that Josh and I are all moved in to our new house (and he has not asked for the ring back even after my emotional behavior!).

With Josh still smoking, I have realized while I don't miss the smoking, I miss the hanging out time.  When we would have a cigarette together, it was bonding time.  I continue to look for new ways to accomplish the same thing in such an effortless way.  If anyone else knows how, please advise.

Everyone says that for me to quit while still living with a smoker must be "so hard" and it is.  But I just continue to take things one day at a time.  As much as I wish he would quit, I know how difficult it is.  He will quit when he wants to.

Check My Life as a Grown Up for pictures of the new house (coming soon!)....

Hair Style Update

Day 41
Cigarettes Today (or since my last post): 0
Chantix Side Effects (on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the worst): 0
Mood: Not sleeping well.
Cigarettes NOT Smoked Since Quit Date: 820
Hours Not Spent Smoking: 68.33

We are good to go - closing on our house soon.  We could have our keys as early as Friday!  It's true.  I'm so excited!  I never thought the day would come, but truthfully, we had it pretty easy.  Well, a couple of hiccups that nearly made me want to start smoking again, but nothing I did not handle.  I did not say I handled it perfectly, but I handled it without smoking.  That is what counts!

So I have been talking about this hair challenge and promising photos.  Today was day #17!  Let me see if I can recap which styles I have already used.

Nobody's Perfect

Day 39
Cigarettes Today (or since my last post): 0.5 (EW)
Chantix Side Effects (on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the worst): 0
Mood: Getting a little better.  Still not normal.
Cigarettes NOT Smoked Since Quit Date: 780
Hours Not Spent Smoking: 65

Friday night, to prove that I am not lame, I went out with one of my best friends.  We had a fabulous time and I did really well not smoking - until the end of the evening.  I had had just enough that I decided that I wanted a cigarette.  Big mistake.  It was foul tasting.  I am fairly certain I will not do that again.

Since my last update, a co-worker and friend of mine told me that I should go back to smoking because she liked me better that way.  She and I don't see eye to eye on everything and apparently, I have been rubbing her the wrong way lately.  Either way, what she said was really hurtful.  Sometimes, I feel like I like myself better as a smoker, too.  Smoker Tory is calm and patient.  She does not care if things don't go her way.  She just smooths over her emotions with a quick cigarette and moves on.  That being said, it will take me quite a while to determine how healthy Tory will find a way to react with the same patience and calmness of smoker Tory.  PS I explained to my friend how hurtful that comment was and she apologized.

There are currently 10 more days and one 2nd appraisal between us and the keys to our new home.  Hopefully the appraisal will be completed Monday or Tuesday and we will begin all of the closing stuff right after!  I am so excited to move in to our new home.

In the last two weekends, I have cleaned my grandparents' house, (sort of) helped my sister-in-law move, went to a niece's dedication, celebrated my fiance's birthday, went bridesmaid dress shopping with the girls (both for my wedding and my best friend's wedding), had dinner with friends and watched the Oscars, house sat for three dobermans, got a pedicure, did the running man at a bar, went to a niece's 2nd birthday party, fixed my crashed laptop (well Josh did that) and went mattress shopping.

What I did today (and the last few days) instead of smoking:

1. Realized my love for ginger ale.
2. Spent time playing dress up with my hair!  (I realize that you will believe it when you see it.)  Day 14 of hair challenge completed.
3. Bought new sandals for summer twenty ten.
4. Wore a tank top and basked in Arizona's sunshine.
5. Danced like no one was watching.

5 Weeks Tomorrow

Day 34
Cigarettes Today (or since my last post): 0
Chantix Side Effects (on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the worst): 0
Mood: Oh fine.  Crazy-ness at work, but nothing I can't handle.
Cigarettes NOT Smoked Since Quit Date: 680
Hours Not Spent Smoking: 56

What I did today instead of smoking:

1. Went out back with the smokers for fresh air!  My friend started Chantix yesterday.  Hooray for the revolution.
2. Called my mom.  Called my aunt.
3. Read a magazine - one of three that I bought with my Coke Rewards Points!  Body + Soul, Vanity Fair and Conde Naste Traveler.  Collecting Coke Points is super fun!  My aunt and friends save them for me.
4. Worked for over 12 hours.
5. Had a super yummy lunch at J. Alexander's.
6. Completed day 10 of the hair challenge - a different hair style everyday for 21 days!

I have decided that this blog has a fever - and the only cure is more cowbell.  And when I say cowbell, I mean pictures.  From now on, I will be sure to post pictures I promised to a while ago (new shoes) and fun stuff like the hair challenge!

In other news, in the last two weeks two houses have been simplified in to one and we are currently waiting on appraisal #2 for our new house.  Moving and buying a house are stressful, but not an excuse to start smoking again.  I am still taking things one day at a time - and believe you me, they add up pretty quick!

Welcome to March Madness!

Day 27
Cigarettes Today (or since my last post): 0
Chantix Side Effects (on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the worst): 0
Mood: Anxious Mess
Cigarettes NOT Smoked Since Quit Date: 540
Hours Not Spent Smoking: 45

I've gained almost two whole days worth of waking time within the last four weeks of not smoking. That's incredible. Can you imagine? Almost. Two. Whole. Days. I am really proud of myself for taking this on and I keep reminding myself that there is no good time to quit smoking.

What is not incredible is that my life feels utterly stressful and anxiety-ridden within the last couple of days. It's all petty and will pass, like it always does, but I'm realizing that I might be more of a perfectionist than I thought.

Being a smoker helped the perfectionist inside me. Being a smoker in-and-of-itself means that I am not perfect, that I have succumbed to an addiction. If ever I felt not perfect, I would reach for a cigarette and feel better. If something didn't go the way I wanted I would have a cigarette and laugh about it. Now, I must say that when things aren't going the way I planned I am reacting with emotions that are less than perfect to say the least. I am being really hard on myself, but it's hard for me to let go of the ideal I have in my head.

Emotions that I have experienced in the last few days that would have normally caused me to light up include: sadness, annoyance, frustration, stress, impatience and I could go on. These emotions are so ugly. I've thought multiple times in the last few days that I liked myself better as a smoker. I was still a type A personality, but a little more easy going.

But FEAR NOT! I am determined to quit this time. I just have to take things one day at a time!

What I did today instead of smoking:

1. Asked for help and got it.
2. Admitted I was wrong.
3. Took lots of deep breaths.
4. Listened.
5. Talked with my sis.
6. Thought about the future and what my life will look like next month after things settle down... :-)

P.S. The last few times I quit, I gained 15 pounds or so. I am happy to report that I have not gone up a size yet! Hooray!