Day 79

Tonight was my first "night out" with five other smokers.  Needless to say, I survived.  I still miss smoking, but I. did. it.

I am proud.  I have a Nicotine Anonymous Book - 90 Days, 90 Ways.  Today is day 79 of my recovery from nicotine and so I turned to that page to share with you.  Tomorrow will be 80 days.  I am so proud of myself.  It's still just one day at a time and I like it that way.

From the book, 90 Days, 90 Ways:

Show up, pay attention, tell the truth and don't be attached to the outcome. - Angeles Arrien

As the winter solstice approaches and the days become shorter, I am reminded of the darkness that seemed to grip me with increasing strength in the final days of my active addiction: the social ostracism; the fear, anxiety and worry over the harm I was causing myself physically; the utter hopelessness I felt about ever being able to quit.

I feared living without my constant companion.  I anticipated that life without nicotine would be impossible.  But the solstice teaches me that this projection was unwarranted.  Just it seems that darkness will never end, there comes a turning point when the days become longer and warmer.  Just as I anticipated that life would be unbearable without nicotine, recovery teaches me that life can be filled with so much goodness, beyond my wilder dreams.

Today I choose to live in anticipation that light inevitably follows darkness.

11 Weeks!

Day 77
Cigarettes Today (or since my last post): 0
Chantix Side Effects (on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the worst): Still a bit concerned about mood swings when I cease the Chantix, slight dissociation at times, but that could be due to stress, too.
Mood: Good.  I laughed a lot today.
Cigarettes NOT Smoked Since Quit Date: 1540

Celebrating 11 weeks today!  That's over $500 and 128 hours (over 5 days) that I have back since quitting!!

Enough said.

10 Weeks!

Day 70
Cigarettes Today (or since my last post): 0
Chantix Side Effects (on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the worst): Eh, I'm starting to wondering what it will be like when I stop taking them, but for now I'm used to it.
Mood: All right, had a moment (or several moments) today where I missed cigarettes like you miss a friend.
Cigarettes NOT Smoked Since Quit Date: 1400

Hooray!  It's been 10 weeks.  I've had plenty to keep me busy!

Today (and for the last week) instead of smoking I:

1. Went to lunch with my great aunts and 2nd cousins.
2. Got a pedicure with my best friend.
3. Realized that making dinner every night is not a necessity.  Even grown ups can eat goldfish crackers for dinner.
4. Cleaned carpet's with a steam cleaner - kinda tricky if you're a perfectionist.
5. Designed a Save the Date in Photoshop.
6. Went grocery shopping.
7. Read the Personal Efficiency Program - definitely a good read if you always feel busy!  I'm still reading, but so far, the practices are good!
8. Made ribs and watched Glee! 
1. Realized that I kind of love Idina Menzel.

Bottom line:  I love my life not smoking.  I have more self-confidence and I am proud to be a non-smoker.  I will probably be sorting out the rest for a while, but I will focus on the bottom line.  It's the only one that matters!

9 Weeks Today

Day 63
Cigarettes Today (or since my last post): 0
Chantix Side Effects (on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the worst): I can't even tell anymore, but I'm ready to be done with these bad boys.
Mood: Content, but still like "smoker" Tory better...
Cigarettes NOT Smoked Since Quit Date: 1260

Time for more math!

1260 cigarettes not smoked x 5 minutes per cigarette = 6300 minutes
6300 minutes = 105 hours
105 hours = 4.375 days

In 9 weeks, I have literally and instantly gained over 4 days of my life back.  We are talking waking hours of productivity here!

While it is great, I still have to learn how to cope with life without cigarettes.  I am finding that they were more of a crutch than I thought they were.  I still like "smoker" Tory better than non-smoker Tory, but I'm continuing on toward my goal.

With my windows down, I can smell other people smoking (not to mention I live with a smoker) and I still enjoy the smell.  I tell smokers I know about how smoking is one of my favorite things in the whole world.  But I know that just because I love it, does not make it good for me.

I just have to remember that I'm "a puff away from a pack a day."  I will never be able to have just one cigarette, no matter what the circumstance.  I will always have to face the fact that I am addicted to cigarettes.  But luckily, it's not so hard when you take it just one day at a time!

Today instead of smoking I:

1. Went to lunch with a colleague.
2. Moved desks at work (yay promotion!)
3. Turned up some music and did a silly dance
4. Listened to an interesting story about Florence and the Machine.  I think I will buy the new album!
5. Defrosted chicken in our new microwave.

Smoking Inhaler

Day 60
Cigarettes Today (or since my last post): 0
Chantix Side Effects (on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the worst): 0
Mood: Content
Cigarettes NOT Smoked Since Quit Date: 1200

Happy Easter!  Today is a day that marks a new start for many people for many different reasons.  Spring has officially sprung and it's beginning to warm up (and dry up) here in Arizona!

There are so many different ways out there to quit smoking.  I am curious what different ways people have tried?

I read an article on WebMD about a smoking inhaler.  Basically, it seems to be a cigarette.  It looks like a cigarette and gives you the nicotine your body craves, but without the tar and chemicals and bad stuff.  What I can't overtly tell from the article is: why can't you just stick with the inhaler?  If it gives you the good part of nicotine, the "fix" if you will, without all of the bad-for-you stuff, then why do would anyone ever end up weening themselves off of the inhaler?  I would be curious to find out the long-term outcome of the inhaler.

In other news, I would love to begin to share this blog with others who have begun or are beginning their road to quit smoking!  Please leave a comment if you or someone you know would be interested in sharing their story for the greater good.

What I did today instead of smoking:

1. Finished unpacking!  Everyone said not to worry about unpacking, that they still have boxes from years ago, and to those people I laugh in your face!  Ok, that's not nice, but I guess when you don't have kids and are keeping busy to keep from smoking, you're a little over-productive.
2. Enjoyed Easter with my family.
3. Gave away old clothes - it's great to clean out un-needed things!  Makes you feel so good...
4. Cooked 6 pounds of hamburger meat (it was on sale!) for use in tacos and pasta sauces later in the week/month.
5. Ripped the few music CDs I have to my computer and threw them away.  For some reason, they play on my computer, but are too scratched to play anywhere else.  Besides, my CD player in my car has been busted for a while now.

There is never a good time to quit....

Day 57
Cigarettes Today (or since my last post): 0
Chantix Side Effects (on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the worst): 0
Mood: Exhausted!!
Cigarettes NOT Smoked Since Quit Date: 1140

Settling in to my new house is so much fun!  On Tuesday, I was told that we are changing a pretty big procedure at work.  I quickly thought of all of our clients that have the old standard in their contract and how much of a pain in the butt this transition is going to be.  But, I quickly realized that the overall benefit outweighs the work we will have to devote to the change.  And just like the fact that there is no good time to quit smoking, there is no good time to make this transition.

What I did today (and the last few weeks) instead of smoking:

1. Packed and moved! (pictures behind the link)
2. Got promoted
3. Bought a fridge
4. Bought a bed
5. Reveled in doing laundry with our new-to-us washer/dryer
6. Was really proud of my uncle for reaching 30,000 miles on his road bike!!
7. Took more pictures than I had been in the past
8. Realized how much I love my fiance, family and friends

Coming up this weekend, I will be entertaining for Easter!  Forget the fact that we still have boxes.  I have not ever really enjoyed having my family over for any occasion in the past since it meant not smoking while they were here!  Stupid, I know, but nicotine makes you do stupid things.  So, this Sunday is special for several reasons - new house and new Tory!