Cigarettes Today (or since my last post): 0
Chantix Side Effects (on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the worst): 0
Mood: Anxious Mess
Cigarettes NOT Smoked Since Quit Date: 540
Hours Not Spent Smoking: 45
I've gained almost two whole days worth of waking time within the last four weeks of not smoking. That's incredible. Can you imagine? Almost. Two. Whole. Days. I am really proud of myself for taking this on and I keep reminding myself that there is no good time to quit smoking.
What is not incredible is that my life feels utterly stressful and anxiety-ridden within the last couple of days. It's all petty and will pass, like it always does, but I'm realizing that I might be more of a perfectionist than I thought.
Being a smoker helped the perfectionist inside me. Being a smoker in-and-of-itself means that I am not perfect, that I have succumbed to an addiction. If ever I felt not perfect, I would reach for a cigarette and feel better. If something didn't go the way I wanted I would have a cigarette and laugh about it. Now, I must say that when things aren't going the way I planned I am reacting with emotions that are less than perfect to say the least. I am being really hard on myself, but it's hard for me to let go of the ideal I have in my head.
Emotions that I have experienced in the last few days that would have normally caused me to light up include: sadness, annoyance, frustration, stress, impatience and I could go on. These emotions are so ugly. I've thought multiple times in the last few days that I liked myself better as a smoker. I was still a type A personality, but a little more easy going.
But FEAR NOT! I am determined to quit this time. I just have to take things one day at a time!
What I did today instead of smoking:
- Asked for help and got it.
- Admitted I was wrong.
- Took lots of deep breaths.
- Listened.
- Talked with my sis.
- Thought about the future and what my life will look like next month after things settle down... :-)
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